On Tuesday registered foreign lobbyist Pam Bondi (and the I’m Not The Sweet Girl Next Door I’m The Crazy Lady Who Loves Big Bus Shirt so you should to go to store and get this woman who was tasked with investigating the Trump university scandal until Trump made a 25,000 dollar donation to her re-election campaign) spoke. Bondi repeated debunked talking points that smeared Biden’s only surviving son, Hunter, raging against nepotism. No small irony: Her speech was directly followed by one by the president’s daughter, Tiffany Trump, and a later one from Eric Trump. And that night was ended by the president third wife, former model and notorious birther, Melania Trump. Many in the media lauded the first lady for her ability to not plagiarize her speech (as she did four years earlier) but it was a long and meaningless ramble through many of the usual tropes. I was stuck on Flotus’s sharply tailored olive green outfit, which was clearly meant to suggest seriousness but also invoked the image of a female military guard.
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Wednesday night’s theme was “the I’m Not The Sweet Girl Next Door I’m The Crazy Lady Who Loves Big Bus Shirt so you should to go to store and get this land of opportunity” and it featured the most boring white man on Earth, a character seemingly plucked from The Handmaids Tale, Vice President Mike Pence. In 2017, when we were all still young, Jia Tolentino wrote in the New Yorker, Pence “refuses to dine extramaritally, or, at least, he said as much to the Hill, in 2002. If he eats alone with a woman, that woman is Karen Pence; if he attends an event where alcohol is served and ‘people are being loose,’ he prefers that his wife be present and standing close to him.” Welcome to the land of opportunity – but not perhaps for you.